We are just about a month away from meeting our new little guy!! Lately the third trimester has given me more energy (yay!), and in return has also given me nausea (boo!!).
Thankfully, I have been able to take some things to help with the nausea so I can bear to do dishes, cook dinners, and change diapers. Let’s be honest, all things I don’t enjoy doing! ha
However there are days like today that even taking stuff for nausea doesn’t seem to help in time, and I feel pretty useless inside my home. I know the mom guilt is something I shouldn’t listen to, but it seems to pound stronger in my head than even Cocomelon’s songs….
Tonight my husband came home from work and without asking, just started to cook dinner. I could tell he was tired since he went to work early this morning. But he didn’t complain. He cooked dinner and even asked if what he was planning on would be ok with my cravings.
He also went throughout the house and found the pesky flies. I hate flies. They completely gross me out. And thanks to a toddler who opened our screen door a few inches, somehow the flies felt invited in today!
Before he left for some meetings tonight he gave my toddler a bath because bending over the bath tub is 100% the most uncomfortable thing in the world right now with this belly.
Kind deeds like that just mean the world to me, ya know?
Our lives are about to change again in a month, and although I do feel more prepared physically and temporally, and I am really worried about how I will be able to have the energy for my sweet toddler and the round-the-clock care my newborn will need.
One thing I do know is that my husband will be there. Doing anything to make me more comfortable. Even if that is swatting flies like he did tonight.
I have had people ask me if I feel overwhelmed at the thought of loving two children. To be honest, no, I don’t. I watched so many of my newborn siblings come home from the hospital and although I definitely understood they needed more attention from Mom & Dad, I didn’t feel like my parents loved me any less. If anything I felt more appreciated and loved as we all adjusted to a new family member together.
I think that’s what will happen here, too. We will adjust together as a family. It will be different and difficult to have a two year old who requires a great deal of attention right now as it is. To add a newborn baby into the mix is daunting.
I do worry if I have enough energy and patience to go around for all the sleepless nights and tantrums and crying I have ahead of me…. But I don’t worry if I will love them enough. One thing I know is that the capacity to love just increases for me, to the point my heart feels like it could burst. And I think “oh I love this person so much I couldn’t love him more.” …. Until I do. And my love just continues to grow with time.
I do think the challenge of navigating new schedules, family outings, etc will have a learning curve that will take time!! I struggle getting out of the house as it is! But I have hope that over time I will get better at getting out of the house and being more adventurous as I learn the ropes of being a new mom all over again, while learning the ropes of being a toddler mom.
If there’s anything I have learned though, is that for over a year-and-a-half I almost felt embarrassed or ashamed that I was a first time mom. I didn’t feel listened to, and I felt like people pitied me and I hated that.
Going into this new phase of motherhood with baby number two, I still see myself as a first time mom as I navigate each new phase of life with my oldest child. I don’t know if I will ever completely know what is going on! But what I do know is that I am doing my best and I am excited that my son will have a little brother. My greatest hope is they can become the best of friends.
Lately, I have been soaking in the moments with my (almost) two year old, and taking so many pictures and videos. I don’t want to forget these perfect moments.
Sometimes I think we just start living in a routine in life and then we realize that life is about to change and we feel like “oh crap! I forgot to enjoy each moment before the changes!” and I really hope I didn’t miss too much.
I am so grateful God sent me Hudson as my first. He has been a wonderful baby and a fun toddler, and I can only hope and pray I will become the mom I need to be for each new phase of life he will face.
I hope I keep taking pictures and sending funny videos to my husband at work. I hope I will to continue to make slideshows just so I can remember all these fun times together as a family.
Motherhood has changed me. I am more of a worrier. I am an avid sweatpants wearer, and I am tired. I’m pretty sure everyday I am tired.
But I am also so full of joy during those perfect moments that happen every so often. They may not be every day, but when they come, my heart flutters and I think, “oh could I love anymore.”
And the answer is yes, because I always do.
Xoxo,
Kelsie Ann
