So many friends, family, and followers have asked me how the transition of a new baby has gone. At church I smile and crack a few dry jokes about the transition, but behind the concealer (is it even managing those dark circles?), I am truly tired.
As for my blogging and online presence, I have been quite absent lately as I try to just survive the simplest day to day tasks with a newborn and toddler.
The reality of adjusting to a newborn and toddler struck the first week when my toddler had a sleep regression, and I was nursing round the clock. Sleep deprivation has been here since day one.
The toddler adjustments have been so much harder than anticipated. You will see so many blogs on this. It’s really hard. It’s difficult to watch them go through this shift where they know they have to share Mom & Dad and its really tearing them apart inside. The potty training but also carrying a baby in one arm.
We’ve been able to implement some things that have helped. We talk about our schedules and we try to do routines, and my toddler is doing so much better now. But for 3-4 months we just struggled.
At nights when I was nursing, often I would scroll through my social media and see these perfect photos of kids in matching outfits, perfectly clean faces and perfect hair. I would ask myself “How are their kids so perfectly happy with their sibling” What if there’s something wrong with mine? What if I didn’t prepare him enough for this.
Or the “motivation” reels of moms just kick-butt cleaning their house with no interruptions. Better yet, the moms with 3 kids who do a time lapse and still fold 5 loads of laundry and cook dinner with kids on their hips without batting an eye, evening greeting their husbands with a smile and a kiss when they come home.
But then, there’s the moments when the baby is asleep on my chest and I scroll through my photos and relive these perfect moments. The two-split seconds of my toddler with his arm around the baby. The cute grin of my sweet newborn as he smiles at me with his big eyes.
And I melt. And I want time to stop and freeze. But in the middle of night with the colic and spit up and multiple feedings I tend to wish the time away. To wish for more sleep.
The reality is motherhood is so dang hard. And adding another child to the mix is hard. But I can’t imagine life without either of my boys. And everyday there is 15 seconds, or if I’m lucky 3 minutes of pure joy and I live for those moments.
The challenging aspects of motherhood this time around have been of course the lack of sleep, the hair loss, and then trying to lose the baby fat. I am really struggling with weight management. I can gain weight without trying at all. So this time around postpartum has been different for me. Thankfully I have been able to do a lot of therapy to hopefully not need to have surgery from the ab separation.
But you know what, the sacrifices of my body are all worth it. I’ll take the baggy shirts now while I can. I will keep trying and fighting to be healthier, but I won’t let it take away my happiness right now.
What helps me through the day is talking to someone. Even if its just a few minutes. Knowing someone wants to know genuinely how I am doing even if my toddler is screaming in the background, that’s true love. Thankfully my husband seems to notice when I need those calls and sometimes I will get random calls throughout the day. Although they are really short, its just the validation I need to either vent to him or soak in the compliments that I am doing enough.
And of course talking to my Mom is always what I need!! Just talking things out and hearing about life outside the diaper changes can be therapeutic if you ask me!
I’ve allowed my husband to share a great deal in taking care of the house responsibilities, and sometimes I worry I am not doing anything. (Besides changing diapers, feeding, playing with kids, going through sleep regressions, and paying bills). But its not a race, its a marathon. I can’t do it all right now and I’m learning to accept it.
I love my sweet boys. I feel like once we got to six months I was able to breathe a little. I’m still in the thick of motherhood, and I will be for a very long time. But when your baby starts giggling and cooing and laughing and playing with big brother. It’s like coming out of a long winter in Utah. It feels like sunshine and spring and I feel better already.
If you have a new baby, just know that whether he/she is your first, second, third, etc, it will get easier. That fresh air and sunshine feeling with an added spring in your step is coming back. Just rest and heal and accept the help.
I already miss that little newborn scrunch and the baby breath. I miss having him sleep in the bassinet. I miss all those things.
So I’m trying to live in the moment. I’m documenting more unaesthetic videos, I am playing with my kids more and letting the house go. I’m accepting the mom bun as I try to save my hair from falling out from my not-so-little baby’s chubby hand. I’m accepting the much needed help from my husband as together we make it through each day as a team.
Oh sweet Motherhood. Being a Mom is something else. It’s not exactly what I thought it would be. In fact, its about 100X harder and I’m 100X less productive than I dreamt of.
I can laugh, cry, pull my hair out, lose my temper, and smile with pure joy & tears in my eyes. Every. Single. Day.
This is motherhood. I’m so thankful for my boys. And I’m so thankful they have each other. They might not know it now, but someday they’ll be best friends 💙💙
Wherever you are in your journey, Mama, you got this.
XOXO,
Kelsie Ann
