It’s no secret from my blog and social media posts that I am a first-time mom trying to figure life out. I love decor and I love organization, and I love being a mom. But I was, (and currently am) overwhelmed and often feel inadequate. This post is for the first-time Mom, and every mom out there. Mom to Mom.
The other day I was debating calling the nurse line because I was feeling some symptoms that I was uneasy with. I kept telling myself it wasn’t a big a deal and to just “deal” with it.
Well, these symptoms had been bothersome for weeks, and I was becoming more and more grouchy. The heat was making everything worse, and my husband assured me there is no harm in asking questions. I was itchy. That’s it. Sounds so silly, right?
It was kinda starting to get out of control. Wherever my clothing was I was an itchy wreck and you can imagine the summer heat or just a walk to get the mail was brutal.
So here I was holding my phone thinking of how to word my “silly” question thinking of how dumb I would sound worrying about this….. “Um yeah, so I am really really really itchy, and I just wanted to know if it is normal? I use creams and moisturizer but this is starting to be really bad….”
Ugh. I don’t know how to say it!
And then the phone rang.
My Dr’s office was calling me. While I was rehearsing these concerns in my head of how to ask the nurse and not sound stupid.
It was the nurse. Calling me.
She was calling to tell me about some results from the week before from an anatomy scan. I had already been called about the results the week before, (and even then was too scared to bring up my “silly” concern.)
After she finished, I basically cut her off mid sentence before she hung up the phone. “Uhhh can I ask you some questions? I was debating whether or not to call in. They are probably kinda of silly.”
She told me “of course.” Ask any questions or concerns I had.
I asked my questions. I told her my symptoms, and I kept apologizing. I knew that my symptoms were probably really typical for a pregnancy and maybe I was just being a whimp.
And you know what? The nurse told me that it’s OKAY. OKAY to be worried, (and irritated with what my body is doing) and that it never hurts to ask questions. She called me back within the hour with orders to head in to get some additional testing done for precautions, and some ideas for possible relief should it worsen or get to the point that I can’t seem to handle it.
As I told this to my husband, I thought of how neat it was that she called right when I was imagining how this conversation would go with me complaining about being so itchy, as well as other concerns.
I realized that even though I’ve been pregnant before and I’m not a “first-time mom” that I still have questions.
And that is okay.
All the emotions flooded back to me. The shame and embarrassment for calling the nurse and going in to the drs office while I was pregnant with Hudson. Now there were some unusual things that happened in the pregnancy that did cause me to worry extra, but once I got through the halfway point everything was relatively normal.
I worried too much.
Way too much.
And I would cringe every time I would see on the dr note “First-time mom wondering xyz… light monitoring… baby is fine… etc”
I was sooo mortified in that delivery room when I had pushed for so long or when I didn’t have the slightest clue of what to do. Or when Hudson was finally born, and the nurse had to pick him up and help him latch immediately to help him… I was so embarrassed.
Everytime I took Hudson to the pediatrician for a fever that was barely over the threshold or went in sleep deprived from a baby spitting up all his food all night, I was ashamed.
And its taken me alot of experience the last few years of unanswered questions, alot of tears and sadness, and realizing that even on the second, third, or fourth time around I won’t ever know everything. My body might react differently each time. And it ok for me to not know what’s going on.
So to the first-time momma who is sleep deprived because you’ve been counting kicks, and you can’t seem to get movement. Who drank orange juice and was still worried and drove into the ER in the middle of the night; and as soon as the monitors were on you, you felt the baby kick and you felt like an idiot. Let it go.
It’s okay. I’m realizing I was so worried about what everyone thought of me I didn’t consider that being a FIRST-TIME MOM IS NORMAL. Everyone has to start somewhere.
And this pregnancy has been soooo much different, and much easier so far, but I have had different worries and concerns than with my first.
I have been incredibly itchy all over my body with this pregnancy. It’s a silly symptom and it has just gotten worse over the weeks (and the heat) and I was too embarrassed to call the nurse and say, “is this, okay? I am really uncomfortable.”
And I realized that the nurse calling me was kind of like a little hug from Heavenly Father. Just a little love note, to let me know it was okay to ask these questions. That I shouldn’t be ashamed of being a mom that doesn’t know everything.
I think Heavenly Father just knew I was too scared to call. I didn’t want to feel dumb and He knows things like that do dash my confidence sometimes.
He gave me a tiny tender mercy by having that nurse call me for a repeat of a result I had already received at least a week before. He was giving me a chance to ask my questions. He knew I was probably going to talk myself down and tell myself they were dumb questions.
So, to the first-time mom that has been embarrassed when she can hear the nurses in the hall say, “well she’s a first-time mom”. Or to the mom that has seen those words “worried first-time mom” on the top of your discharge report too, take heart, we’ve all been there, and we didn’t know what we are doing.
Many moms have it down on the second. They know what they are doing, but I don’t feel like I do this time either. I’m still learning so much and have yet to learn so much. Every time I saw those pink lines, I didn’t know how it was going to all play out, I didn’t know if they were accurate, I didn’t have answers.
And maybe then I should have called and asked more questions, so at least I could prepare myself and better understand all that was going on. To feel some peace and maybe some validation.
And now here I am, and I’ve never had a toddler before. I still consider myself a first-time mop as I navigate a toddler and newborn. Someday, I will say I’m a first-time mom to the tween, teen, and adult ages too.
But what I do know, is that as a first-time Mom we shouldn’t be so uptight and mortified when our child is screaming in the grocery store, or when we feel bad for bringing six diaper bags to a short family weekend trip, or ashamed that we ran out of diapers because we didn’t realize little one would use so many.
Just don’t be ashamed. Take pride that you have the hope and the faith to face this “first-time mom experience”. It’s something that happens once. And maybe you relearn it down the road again, but there’s always a first time for everything.
If you can, find a momma you can talk to. Maybe she can tell you that she was in over her head once too, and that its okay. No matter how much money you have spent on getting ready for baby, it probably will still feel overwhelming and you probably will still feel like an underprepared first time mom.
It’s okay if you don’t have it all together and if your freezer wasn’t stacked full of freezer meals before the baby was born. I have a toddler now and I am still trying to figure out dinner and trying to get it on the table before 7pm most nights.
Give yourself some grace and ask the questions for the things you don’t know. Dr. Google is kinda scary and can make you worry more in the middle of the night about why your baby’s poop is green. I’m serious.
Just call the nurse and ask the questions. I hope you can get a sweet nurse like I have had this pregnancy. Because boy, she sure made me feel important and heard about my silly itching, and because I asked the question, I was able to get the help I needed and more information through additional testing.
If you happen to see a first-time mom, even if it seems she has it written on her forehead “I don’t know what I am doing” don’t tell her that. She already knows she looks tired and frazzled. Trust me, she knows.
Give her the grace you needed when you were that first time mom too. And whether it’s your first, second, or seventh time being a mom, don’t feel embarrassed asking questions like I was. Like I have been for the last 2+ years!
I hope you feel proud wherever you are on the journey, because you have a lot on your plate, and its impossible to know everything. I’m learning its impossible to remember everything. It’s impossible to be perfect. But it is possible to find support, whether online, in your family, neighborhood or among friends.
XOXO,
Kelsie Ann
